She said, “I just feel like I have lost myself. I remember the person I used to be, and I just don’t feel like that’s me anymore.” At that moment I had a 20 week baby inside of me. All of the sudden I felt scared that, like her, this baby of mine would come out and force me to shed all the identities I had spent so long creating. I had that baby and another one and, just like she said, I lost myself. I lost that feeling of my body being only mine while they nursed. I lost my mind while I tried to find time to learn or read or talk about anything other than them. I lost my sleep and became this scary version of myself who yelled and cried. But…I also lost myself in beautiful ways. I lost the feeling of my body being mine while I watched it keep the lights my life alive and comforted, and I became stronger. I lost my mind while I fell so hard and deep in love that I didn’t want to think or talk about anything else, and I became more aware of what is important to others. I lost my sleep while I chose to hold my babies a few extra minutes because I just couldn’t look away from their moonlit faces, and I learned what love is and how to truly sacrifice. I lost myself, but through loosing myself I have found myself. Motherhood is constantly wading knee deep with one foot in the hard, lonely, sleepless and the other foot in the beautiful, blissful, love. Through it all we just cling to those babies we created and hold on.